Updated: Oct 2, 2021
When it comes to sex, how long should it last?
Although there is no set timeframe for sex, many individuals mistakenly believe that longer intercourse equals better sex. The length of a marathon sex session is used to determine how steamy an evening was. While quickies might be entertaining, they should only be a part of a well-balanced sex life, not the entire thing.
According to Tore Holte Follestad, the head for the Norwegian Society for Clinical Sexology, both young boys and young girls believe that intercourse should lasted a long time.
He stated that this is how both genders believe it should be. Guys believe they should have a massive penis that will endure an inordinate amount of time in bed. Everyone believes that when the penis penetrates the vaginal canal, it's a moment of shared joy and fireworks for all involved.
A lot of girls are actually in pain and don't know what to do about it. Although it's understandable if you've had an hour of intercourse.
Normal VS Desirable duration
When we talk about sex, achieving pleasure should take precedence over everything else, and this is a matter of personal preference.
Some people want a long, sensual experience, while others prefer a quick, aggressive encounter. The key message here is it’s more important to have satisfying sex than to beat the clock. What you want out of a sexual encounter is the most important thing.
How long does it usually take on average?
While there is no magic number, a research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2005 polled a group of sex therapists about how long sex should last. Their criteria classified sex as adequate, too short, too long, or desirable.
They considered 1-2 minutes of penetrative vaginal sex to be "too short," and 10-30 minutes of sex to be "too long." In the meantime, “adequate” sex lasted 3–7 minutes, whereas ideal sex lasted 7–13 minutes.
These values however only apply to penile-vaginal intercourse, so keep that in mind. They don't take into consideration things like foreplay, and they don't represent other forms of sex.
It all boils down to how you define sex. The majority of these research rely on intravaginal ejaculatory latency time (IELT). The time it takes a person with a penis to ejaculate during vaginal penetration is referred to as the IELT.
However, this isn't how everyone views sex. Many individuals believe that sex is over once all of the parties involved have reached their climax. This can be accomplished by physical contact, oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, or a mix of these methods.
If you define sex solely on the basis of intercourse, sex will most likely last only a few minutes. It's also worth noting that utilizing the IELT as a benchmark presupposes penile-vaginal intercourse is the norm. Although these statistics can be extrapolated to penile-anal intercourse, vaginal and anal sex are not the same.
Are there any factors that can affect our sexual activity?
Underlying biological characteristics may influence how long your sexual activities last in some circumstances.
It may take longer to become aroused as you get older, erections are more difficult to attain and maintain, and hormonal changes lead to issues like vaginal dryness and decreased libido.
Level or arousal
The length of time it takes someone to attain orgasm depends on how aroused they are when they begin having sex, as well as the types of sexual acts they are performing. Jumping into intercourse before being sufficiently aroused, for example, may make it more difficult for a person with a clitoris to have an orgasm.
A person with a penis, on the other hand, would reach orgasm faster if they had a particularly stimulating blow job before moving on to vaginal intercourse. Everyone's sexual reaction cycle is different and the key to wonderful sex is understanding your own sexual response.
Drugs and alcohol
Certain chemicals can impact a person's sexual desire, arousal, and ability to orgasm, which can affect how long sex lasts. Drinking too much alcohol can make getting and maintaining an erection, as well as reaching climax, more difficult for men.
Alcohol can boost testosterone levels (causing more desire) in those with clitoris, but it can also impair genital receptivity making arousal, lubrication, and having orgasms harder.
The duration of intercourse might be affected by sexual dysfunction. By the age of 40, 40% of men have erectile dysfunction (ED), and by the age of 70, approximately 70% of men have ED. Premature ejaculation affects about one-third of males between the ages of 18 and 59, causing intercourse to last for a shorter period of time.
On the other hand, female orgasmic disorder affects about 26% of premenopausal women, and delayed ejaculation affects between 1% and 5% of sexually active men—two conditions that refer to difficulty reaching orgasm despite having plenty of stimulation (also known as anorgasmia), which can cause sex to last longer.
Different scenarios, partners, how happy you are in your relationship, and other contextual elements can sometimes influence how your mind and body react to sex—and how long it lasts.
When you're focused, aroused, and with a partner who understands your body well, for example, it may be easier to attain orgasm quickly, yet when you're distracted, anxious, or unable to relax with your partner, it may take longer.
Is it important how long a sex session lasts?
Many people mistakenly believe that the length of sex equals the quality of sex, which isn't always the case. This is especially frustrating for penis owners who are taught that they must not only have a big penis, but they must also last for hours. Yikes! So much stress.
How long sex lasts has nothing to do with how good it was.
Instead of trying to make the sex last longer or happen faster, it is recommended to concentrate on how much you're enjoying it. Rather than stressing about the length of time, thinking about the following fundamental questions are encouraged:
Is the sex I'm having enjoyable?
Is my partner aware of my sexual desires?
What can I do to improve sex?
If sex is taking longer or shorter than you want, talk to your partner about it. When anything about your sex life isn't quite right, talking it out is always a smart place to start. We understand that it's often easier said than done—but keep in mind that your partner wants you to enjoy the experience as well; that's what it's all about.
Show (or tell) them what gets your juices flowing. You can climax by touching yourself in certain ways, or you can tell your partner how to stimulate you in specific manner. Sex toys might be a useful visual aid in this situation.
Try a position that makes you feel orgasmic. Is there a particular sexual position or technique that helps you get there? Trying that might be a nice way to bring everything to a satisfactory conclusion for everyone.
The bottom line
How long sex can last is influenced by the definition of sex, individual expectations, and mutual desires.
Make an appointment with a doctor or other healthcare professional if you're worried about how long you'll be able to have sex.
They can talk about how you're feeling, answer any concerns you have, and analyze any underlying symptoms or difficulty you're experiencing.